Yasukuni Shrine

You hear -

A tinkle as a coin is thrown, and then lands in the box

Claps, two

You see - 

A bow, as respects are paid

Lips moving as thanks are given, perhaps

Tears shed, maybe

For those laid to rest were once someone's someone

regardless

/

It is in those who stand that have the power to change

The best ride

Currently typing this while onboard a Cathay Pacific flight, enroute to Hong kong for a transit to finally go to Tokyo. It’s been such a hectic morning, dropping Jamie off at my grandma’s, packing in last minute items, rushing for the airport after staying up till late last night yesterday with the packing and planning – I think I’ve almost figured out what we’re doing for the first day. I think.

Getting onto the plane was a breeze and I passed out within 5 mins of getting my pillow and woke up for lunch, to begin feeling sleepy all over again.

I’ve been flying regularly since I was 4 because of my dad’s work. It was exciting for the first few years because yayyyy in-flight entertainment. Which meant I’d be playing super Mario or watching cartoons through my 6h long flights to China and back. Getting on a plane was an experience I loved – play all the games, eat all the plane food, gobble up my bun (yasss that warm bun they carry out in a basket and distribute with tongs), ask my parents if I can have theirs, then ask my parents repeatedly to ask the air stewards/stewardesses if I could have more.

But gradually, taking a plane became almost as normal to me as taking a bus. Long waiting times before getting on to it, and it was merely another mode of transport to get me to a destination. The plane ride stopped being so much of the travelling experience and instead became more of an obstacle in getting to a place. And then of course, flying around so much while on exchange really put it on the same level with bus or train rides.

We’d clamber on, fall asleep before take off and wake up only when it landed. I guess the experience was simplified too because we flew budget all the time – so no meals, no one offering you blankets and pillows and definitely no Super Mario on board.

All this, until Nicole and I took our SIA flight back home, from Amsterdam Schipol to Changi. After being homesick for 2 weeks, I was really looking forward to going home, and putting an end to the endless stripping during security checks – I had on about 5 layers everyday since it constantly felt like it was the dead of winter. So each security check would involve taking off of the outer coat, my sweater, another sweater, my thick scarf, my boots, then unpacking my macbook from my backpack (which was perpetually stuffed full)…….. and then putting all that back on omfg.

I swear though, the moment I stepped on board the aircraft I almost teared.

“Nicole the plane is SO BIG???????” 

“OH MY GOSH NICOLE IS THIS THE NEW PLANE??? LOOK EVERYTHING IS BEIGEY)”

“HOLY SHIT THE AIR STEWARDESSES ARE SPEAKING SINGLISH!!”

“Nicole omg omg they’re gonna give us food throughout our flight!!!!!”

“NICOLE WE CAN WATCH MOVIES THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE FLIGHT”

“WE ARE REALLY GOING HOMEEEEEEEEEE”

“Should we get some wine?!!?! It’s free right?!!?!?”

All this x20 and said really quickly in high-pitched squeals, accompanied by a flurry of photo-snapping on my lousy S3. Yeah that’s right, I became THAT country bumpkin who couldn’t stop pointing and squealing. By the time I sat down I was exhausted.

I napped for a bit in the beginning, then Nicole and I binged watched movies on our 13h flight, ate all our meals, planned for the best time to ask for free cup noodles (because – FREE), never got to eat our cup noodles because we were so confused by the time zones, had our wine (because – FREE, although our rational was that it would help us sleep better. It did not. I felt so sick after that I couldn’t fml.) We slept for a grand total of like 3h that flight – the flight where we were supposed to stay awake for 6, then pass out for the next 6h to “fix our body clock so we won’t get THAT jetlagged”.

And despite feeling all pukey because of the wine, not getting our free cup noodles, the ridiculous jetlag that persisted for the next few days, it was the best ride of my life. Thus far, at least.

It was great feeling SO(!!!!!!!!) excited again about something I’d truly taken for granted. It’s a little of the whole “you don’t know what you have till you’ve lost it” / “can’t have rainbow without some rain” / “need sadness to know what happiness is” concept, just that I wasn’t actually upset about taking budget airlines because I saved a whole hell lot and it was comfy enough to sleep on anyway. So I guess it was like happiness AND THEN EVEN MORE HAPPINESS.

Something like that.

Clockwork

I have this all down, I think.

All this routine-y stuff

Setting 6 alarms the night before, waking up in the morning, tossing in my contacts/contact lens solution/glasses case or/and make up pouch into my bag, undoing the clasp and reaching into the front pocket of my bag for my ex-link card, tapping, then placing it right back, my fingers that pull out my tangled mess of earphones, plugs it in, and like clockwork, taps on the 'Music' app to play my playlist, then a hurried mess of fingers all over the keyboard as I reply my WhatsApps.

And it goes on. Day in and day out. And I have the same feelings each time, as I go through the motions.

I'm not quite sure what's happening, but I know I'm exhausted.

Krabi Krab

Went to Krabi for 5 days of lounging around/ feasting/ food hunting/ feasting/ island hopping with the best friend Yeh Su aaaaand my film photos from it are finally developed kekekekekeke. 

Shot on Agfa Vista 400, Portra 400 and this other unknown roll that Yeh Su brought along. 

Do not fall in love with people like me. I will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments, and kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth.
I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people. 

- Caitlyn Siehl

AMK Bird Park

Kodak 400, from a little trip Philo and I made to AMK to see these bird cages. Talked to an uncle about his $1000 vintage bird cage with Mickey Mouse decals on it, and his $500 bird from Thailand, and it was quite, quite lovely despite the sweltering sun and fear that bird poop would drop out from the cages and assault me. 

All went well - we were taking our last looks at the rather grand view of bird cages floating in the air, and last breaths of bird-smelling air, until Philo pointed out how the Chinese and Malay uncles were sitting under different shelters, "I guess there's a bit of racism here too huh".

And those are our hard truths. 

It's been one of the most defining weeks in our history yet, I should think. A whole country that has been deemed the least positive, least emotional, too caught up with trying to be the best, spending an entire week in mourning. Braving the massive queues in the sun and in the rain for hours, for the 5-10 seconds to pay respects to the late Mr Lee, emerging out of Parliament House and thinking to themselves, 'it was all worth it'. 

It's all been said before - that it is extremely heartwarming to see Singaporeans from all walks of life finally uniting as one (and this time not because we have a common enemy), for the younger generation to have a better sense of awareness of our duties towards our little country, and for us all to realise how glorious a bubble it is that has been built for us to live in. 

I don't think I could be more thankful - for the SAFs standing, guiding, parading for the past few days in their bid to honour Mr Lee, for the volunteers who'd take time out on weekdays and weekends to usher Singaporeans into queues and hand out drinks and snacks, for the individuals who bought snacks on their own accord and gave them out to those in the queues, for non-Singaporeans who feel so deeply for Mr Lee and Singapore. And with the abundance of articles that now occupy my news feed, with active posts of remembrance, discussions, sharing of the epic love story, I've never felt so proud to be Singaporean, to be part of a people so proud of our MM and journey to be where we are.

Who says Singaporeans are ungrateful? Emotionless? Unpatriotic? Divided?